It's okay if you go

Another subscriber left today. I’m not surprised or disappointed, but want to take this opportunity to share something I truly feel.

I hope you’ll stay, but it’s okay if you go.

I don’t need you to read my words. If you don’t want these posts to enter your inbox… I don’t want to put them there!

I cannot control what happens with my words after I hit send.

I just know that I need to write. Especially about what’s hard. And before I figure out what it all means. Because writing is hope that happens. For me.

And also I need to ship. To share.

That feels especially true - when the words are raw and unfiltered. When the stories I am telling myself about my life seem unclear and fuzzy. When the thoguhts I have about the world I see around me - are not fully formed - it is then - that I must feel called to write.

Yesterday I watched a documentary about the place I have returned to live. It is a wonderful piece of art, filmed over the course of 6 years. The film reminded me of a chapter in the story of this place - that is over.

And yet the community still lives. An organism that is still composed of most who helped make it what it is. A living thing that I have been part of for nearly 8 years now.

But time changes things. Life changes things. Growth changes things. Always.

The 11 people who started this place - became the 40 people who were here when we came in 2016.

The 200 residents who now call this place home are a new group. A new collective. A new space.

This virtual space - this blog - is something of a living being, too. It is made up of the things I have thought, and the processes I have gone through. Many of the stories I have told - are now ones I would edit.

My relationship with the inner child I carried with me in 2021, is different from that of today. And I pray, that in two more years, I will know more about what she saw and felt - and how that informs how I still play.

For me, writing is an essential WAY that I figure this all out. It is one of the tools I need to use - along with music, mindful movement, gardening and conversations with people I care about - to help me make sense of life.

I just write to understand what is past and what is present, what is my true or higher self, what is my inner child’s story, what is my reptile brain, what is my intuition, what is fear.

So I can find my way back to - what is love. What is true.

The Molly of today will be different than the Molly of tomorrow.

But here, I want to create a space where all of selves she has been… and all of the selves she will become… are welcome.

I want to hold a space where all of the voices inside me - are allowed to speak. Out loud.

To wonder. To theorize. To be right. To be wrong. To be changed. To discover. To evolve.

Put simply, it’s just that - nearly every day - I want give “myself” a say.

That is the game I want to play.